|
For most, the month of March is "madness."
Rather that "madness" is elation over an unexpected win or
depression after a last second shot destroys the hopes of a final four
run. Either way, March sucks and here are a few of the reasons why.
· University of Tulsa - I am a fan of the Golden Hurricane
and would have preferred a donkey stomping on my nutts rather than blowing
a 13 point lead with 4 minutes left in the game. It's amazing, does
T.U. believe that they only have to play one half. Wisconsin had too
many white dudes to beat Tulsa. I was so upset; somehow I made up cuss
words that shall never be spoke by the human tongue again. I mean, damn…..whats
a brotha gotta do? Up to this point in my experienced lifetime, I was
a fan of the buzzer beater. I loved shots that won games with no time
left. But now that I'm a fan on the other side of that coin, I can understand
where people get their motivation to slap their dogs and punt their
cats. Only one thing could have calmed my rage after the T.U. loss and
that would have been to drop kick my dog 45 yards through the uprights…damn
that would be sweet.
· Bracket Pools - Hell I should have stuck a pen up a
pigeon's ass and let the pigeon fill out my bracket. My chances of winning
my bracket pool would have skyrocketed in comparison. Florida, Michigan
State, and Louisville can lick my taint. Basically two of my final four
teams are at home with their thumbs up their ass. To really rub in the
reality that I'm a dip shit, my wife comes home with her bracket and
you would think she's John Wooden (UCLA coaching legend for those of
you who don't know). The best part about that is her response "Oh
my bracket isn't very good, I didn't want to get into any pools."
Well that's great sweetie because since you can see the future the lottery
is more important than an office pool.
· Commercials - The NCAA seems to have a million commercials
featuring college athletes talking about their day to day schedules.
"I go to the pool, then class to study sociology, after class I
return to the pool to train." Wow, that must be rough. Let me tell
you of my typical school day, just a regular student trying to pay for
college. Some of us wake up and put on the same shirt we've had on for
four days since we don't have a department do our laundry, go to class
for a couple of hours of lecture, then head to work where we bust our
ass for next to nothing in pay but that's OK because a paycheck is a
paycheck (instead of a scholarship check), go back to school for another
class, study for a couple of minutes before lab, spend three hours in
a laboratory, return home to grab a quick peanut butter and jelly sandwich
for dinner since a lunch card is not provided with tuition, go to the
library for a study session where only two of the six people in the
group show up, finally we end our night by picking up the slack on a
group project because one of the members of the group is an athlete
and they can't seem to find time to meet since they are busy playing
PlayStation at night. So what I'm trying to say is that don't give me
this bull shit of how hard you work to get by. You have school paid
for, you have room and board paid for, you get free clothes from the
department on a daily basis, and you barely pass anyways. Granted there
are exceptions, and for the few exceptions I applaud you. But you show
me one athlete that works hard and I will show you 20 scholars that
work ten times harder.
· Analysts - Dick Vitale, Digger Phelps, and Jay Bilas
represent college basketball as well as Anna Nicole Smith, Celine Dion,
and Michael Moore. These professional analysts give predictions and
are NEVER correct. They all claimed LSU, Dayton, Southern Illinois,
Creighton, and a number of other teams to win atleast one game. None
of the previously mentioned got out of the first round! How in the hell
do you become a TV analyst? I could kiss Duke's ass and act like I know
what I'm talking about, does that make me a professional? Dick Vitale
looks like a shiny, pale dildo that becomes a light red when he gets
excited. Digger Phelps has to be shocked back to life before he goes
on the air and Jay Bilas…who the hell is he anyways? Did he coach?
No. Did he play pro ball? No. Did he make the team at Duke and now believes
he caught some of the genius of Coach K which in turn would make him
an expert in college basketball? Yes.
March "Madness" is an American tradition. It's a time when
people earnestly fill out their brackets and claim they know everything
about college basketball. The office asshole tries to tell you that
this is Oklahoma's year and that your bracket looks stupid. To those
pricks in the office, from myself and all those that work with you,
"It's obvious you have a small penis, otherwise you'd have more
of a life instead of researching college basketball."
|
|